I've come up with a theory about dysfunctional relationships...
...but before I do, here is a disclaimer: I'm NOT talking any ONE relationship
or any ONE person, or even only my OWN situations...but patterns that I've seen
with quite a few people over quite a long time, myself included. I think about
these kinds of things a lot.
Anyway, my observation is....
...that one person (or sometimes both people) in the relationship say/do fucked
up things to the other, and create multitudes of drama out of thin air, for
seemingly no real rhyme or reason.
But, I think that this sort of behavior is rooted this line of thinking: They
figure that if someone is willing to put up with all of THIS bullshit...from ME,
then he/she must REALLY LOVE me!
It must be rooted in some lack of self esteem; they don't realize that there is
enough to love about them without an international crisis happening once every
week or two.
It's too bad, because it ultimately puts a huge strain on the person on the
receiving end of it, and therefore, on the relationship. And relationships are
hard enough as it is. The result of this winds up being that NEITHER person in
the relationship winds up having their needs met. And then the real trouble
begins. As Greg Dulli once sang, "Resentment always goes much further than it
was supposed to go."
And you know, maybe it works for awhile. If you love someone, to the point at
which their pain is your weakness, you probablly WILL put up with the shitstorms
that happen all too often.
But eventually, something will give....and that means that someone throws his/her
hands in the air and gives UP. And then, everyone gets hurt.
And it's too bad.
The only silver lining comes from learning from it and moving on & hopefully doing
better next time, should there be one. If you love someone, or even like them,
the whole point should be that you enjoy being around each other, right? I always
But, I know that shit gets WAY more complicated than that, and...well,
there's the rub, right?
Again, I say all of this with no malicious intent, judgement, or ill will toward
anyone. Hell, I'm hardly perfect and am not even close to being an expert.