Sunday, December 10, 2017

SONGS: #7 - Midnight Crisis - "Make It Alright"

"It's dark every night..."

It's not exactly profound is it? I mean - no shit, Sherlock! But, I never heard anyone else say it, much less sing it, so....I pretty much wrote a song around it.

I'm going to try to keep this brief.

This is basically a dramatic love song about, as I sing, "Tempting fate with a good time," & then shit gets out of hand with the person you're having the good time with. 

Shit happens.  

You got into an argument - Lord knows (or, at this point, cares) why. You wake up the next day hung over, alone, and feeling like the horse's ass you rode in on.  And, of course, you're looking for the very person you were in a bitch match with some hours before to make you feel safe and secure, because she (or he) is, "the only thing that makes it alright."

That's rich, isn't it?

I intertwined some lyrics about my semi-religious upbringing in there ("Orphan bastard child of God, Born of a rumor and a fraud"). I think I did that to sort of deepen the song with references to being indoctrinated with some idea of "God" & morality, & coming to the realization that these things don't necessarily make anyone righteous. In fact, they can have the opposite effect, really. I think that's why I tied up that first verse with my favorite line in the song: "The one who doesn't judge deserves all the love." Tell THAT to a religious nut!

What does that have to do with the song? Well, it beats the hell out of me, but...maybe, since it's a love song, I sort-of threw the love of family into the mix, which sort of intertwines with the religious themes, just like the love of that special one who "makes it alright" gets intertwined with too much booze! My life-long morbid fear of & fascination with death probably makes a cameo appearance as well. (I'm not gonna talk about that - but those of you who know me know all too well what I mean). 

We all come from somewhere, and that leads us to where we are....

Anyway, enough of that shit.

I have a couple of random notes about the second verse that are kind-of funny. First, I sing "Gone, but not forgiven", because I saw that on a list of strange gravestone epitaphs in an almanac when I was a little kid, and it popped into my head when Lase and I were writing the song. Which leads me to the second line, "Alternative to living", which I think I once saw in a magazine ad for time shares or some shit - "THE PERFECT ALTERNATIVE TO LIVING!" I thought that was hilarious. (It's too bad that I can't find it).

As for writing the song, like most of them, it came quickly. I had that little lyric idea, and the beat with the sort-of "half-note-triplet" feel, & Lase & I took it from there. Lase really brought it to another level, yet again, when he pulled that bridge part out of his ass. I love that part.

Recording the vocals for this song (much like "Sister Vicodin") was kind of a BITCH. It's such a personal song, and one that requires a plaintive vocal, which can't be forced, or it's going to sound hokey as fuck. So, I did my best (which, admittedly, was a long shot at best) to evoke some of my favorite singers, like Mark Lanegan, & Lou Reed, & Nick Cave, to get the job done. while still keeping it my own enough to not sound like some cheap imitator. I think it came out the way I envisioned it. Lase's guitar textures are fantastic (which is the reason why I wanted to record it in the first place), and Mike Maenza, once again, really stepped up with fantastic drumming on here - taking a little idea of mine, and making it explosive. I applaud them.

That's enough.

One more song to go, next week.

Thanks for reading; thanks for listening.

Marty E.

"We're all messed up but nowhere to go..."

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: SONGS: #6 - Midnight Crisis - "Lost & Found"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #5 - Midnight Crisis - "Sister Vicodin"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #4 - Midnight Crisis - "(Get Home) Dangerous"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #3 - Midnight Crisis - "Kiss My Apocalipps"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

Stream/Download "Make It Alright" on BandCamp

Download "Make It Alright" on CDBaby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "Make It Alright" on Apple iTunes

Download "Make It Alright" on Amazon

"Make It Alright" on Spotify

Sunday, December 3, 2017

SONGS: #6 - Midnight Crisis - "Lost & Found"

This is another song (like "(Get Home) Dangerous") in which the lion's share of the lyrics in the first two verses were written a long time ago - in this case, probably 15 years back! The strange but cool thing about that is that they're still extremely relevant to me, after that long - in spite of (and maybe because of) the fact that the meaning of them has changed, or at least the implications of them have become more substantial. Time can do that kind of thing.

I wrote a lot of the first two verses not too long after 9/11, when we were dealing with the aftermath & getting our "sea legs" back in the city.  That's where the the term "New York Post [or post] apocalypse" comes from. For one thing, it really DID feel like the end of the world (and surely life hasn't been the same since)...and also, it was the dawn of the celebutard-focused reality tv "tabloid culture" that infiltrated the popular consciousness around that time & that we're still quite in the midst of today. So, there's a double entendre there, if you like.

Anyway, those initial lyrics floated around in my head for a long time, until I eventually started writing my own shit in order to see what might happen. Again, I figured, if something is STILL on my mind that I wrote in 2001, or whenever, then, maybe I have something at least marginally worthwhile, here.

With that said, what do they MEAN, now? Well...a lot of the New York City that I fell in love with is gone now. I'm not going to turn this into a soapbox sermon about hyper-gentrification, but, let's face it, it's affected a lot of us. It's turned Downtown, NYC, which was once a place full of beautiful, creative, & poor people, into a stomping ground for ugly, rich half-wits. With that said, I still love it here, and when I take a look around, despite what has been lost, I still see a lot of cool people and cool shit happening here. It's all just fewer and further between.

So, I guess when I consider everything, I'd say that the song is about keeping your head straight, your spirit up, and your resilience intact in a world that seems to be perpetually crumbling into a pile of shit, and believing in yourself despite overwhelming evidence that doing so might define insanity

You know...all of that shit!

So, with all of that in mind, I rewrote the lyric to inform the song of all the time between the initial lyric idea, and the time when I made something of it, as it were....

...and then I heard this riff, that must have been inspired by the likes of Girls Against Boys, the Wildhearts, and New Model Army (whose socially conscious, rebellious themes might have also provided counsel)...and pretty much wrote the skeleton of the song based on that. I had that "get on down-down-down-down-down" sort of hook on my mind for awhile, and found that it fit over that riff quite nicely. 

Besides pulling the chorus part out of my ass, that's about it.

I made a little demo out of it, and was really on the fence about how I felt about it. I knew that it was coming from a sincere place with me, but...sincerity doesn't always translate. Did it sound hokey? Did it sound like the real deal? Did it ROCK, for Christ's sake?

Fast-forward to when Lase recorded the song for real, and added his explosive guitar magic on top of it, and....the answer, at least for my ears, was a resounding yes. One thing that particularly took me aback was how much Mike Maenza's drum-pummeling really whipped the song into submission. Not bad for something I came up with on the fly from an old-ass idea on a hung-over afternoon in my room, on an acoustic bass!

That's the if, and, & butt-end of it. Thanks for reading, thanks for listening....there are two songs left on the album. Stay tuned for entries on each.

Marty E.

"Flesh and blood, concrete & steel
To dust we all shall fall..."

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: SONGS: #5 - Midnight Crisis - "Sister Vicodin" 

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #4 - Midnight Crisis - "(Get Home) Dangerous"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #3 - Midnight Crisis - "Kiss My Apocalipps"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

Stream/Download "Lost & Found" on BandCamp

Download "Lost & Found" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD) 

Download "Lost & Found" on Apple iTunes 

Download "Lost & Found" on Amazon

"Lost & Found" on Spotify

Sunday, November 19, 2017

SONGS: #5 - Midnight Crisis - "Sister Vicodin"

To begin with, in the interest of full disclosure, yeah, I got the idea for this song from the Stones' "Sister Morphine"...and also, for that matter, from the Pillbox song, "Sister Caroline" (what does THAT rhyme with, again?). I simply thought that it might be a cool idea to write something that was making a similar statement, but put in a modern context. 

With that said, this concept of juxtaposing (and personifying) the intoxication & escapism that comes from the likes of chemicals & love, in a song, is hardly new or uncommon. Hell, everyone from Roxy Music to Vain to...(I don't know).....the fucking Lemonheads...have all done that successfully.

So, I figured it was worth a try.

But, it wasn't REALLY that well thought out, at first, to be honest. The title "SISTER VICODIN" popped into my head one day when I was washing my hair or some shit. I liked it, but, what was I gonna do with it? 

It didn't take long for me to formulate the chorus, in my head....."SIS-TER!! VIC-O-DIN!!!" In my imagination, I heard these chords behind it (which still sound a little bit to me like the KISS song, "Tears Are Falling", turned on its head). I kept turning it over & over in my head, and I've learned that if that happens, there's a distinct possibility that you might have something good. 

[I became so distracted by it that, one day, when we were walking around Flushing in search of Soup Dumplings, my girlfriend basically asked me what the hell my problem was. So, I sang her the chorus idea right there on the street! That cleared it up...]

A couple of weeks later, I went to Lase's house to do some writing, armed with this, and another idea or two (we also wrote "(Get Home) Dangerous" that night). It took us a good hour of me singing this guitar idea for the chorus to Lase before we got on the same page with it, but it finally clicked. Lase then started playing this...for lack of better terms, "druggy", "airy" guitar part, that became the basis for the verses. In my typically subtle way, I said something like, "THAT's FUCKING GREAT!" Lase didn't think it worked, for some reason I don't remember. "HOGWASH!!" It was fucking PERFECT, as far as I was concerned! I grabbed a pen & paper & scrawled down the lyrics for the verses right there. "Magic in disguise," indeed!

We had the lion's share of it finished, or so we thought, when Lase plugged in his guitar, hit these fucking ARENA-sized chords, and started sort-humming this cool melody....and it made me say something like, "HOLY FUCK!" That became that bridge part, which is my favorite part of the song, and might be my favorite few seconds of the album, for some reason I can't explain. (I kind of ripped off Deep Purple a little bit when I came up with the "Another wasted sunset..." lyric, but...I didn't think that they would mind).

Speaking of lyrics, they're pretty self-explanatory in this song, but my favorite ones are in the second verse, where I'm describing withdrawal symptoms, etc: "Boiling fevers, ice-cold sweats, My sheets are soaking wet, Daydream nightmares, for Christ's sake, DYIN' AWAY THE NIGHT AWAKE!"

I digress...

I've learned a lot from this song. For one thing, it was a really profound example of turning some stupid idea that exists nowhere but between ones ears into something tangible. That alone blows my mind sometimes.

Another thing I learned the HARD way from this song is that, just because you write a song in a lower register, one that fits your range extremely well, and all of that shit....that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be easy to sing. This song (along with "Make It Alright" - more on that one in a couple of weeks) has the most subtleties & vulnerabilities that need to come out in the vocal...which, along with the actual singing itself, has to be exactly right, or it's not worth bothering with. As such, I think I sang this song at least 15 times at Lase's studio before we had enough for him to piece together a good vocal. I wouldn't have known it when we wrote the song originally, but this song was a BITCH for me to record vocals on....but we finally got it, and...well, at least for me, it was worth all of that hard work and frustration. That's the kind of shit that's going to make you that much better during your next go-around...or at least, I hope so!


Thanks for reading, and thanks for listening. It means a lot to me.

Three more songs to go...

Marty E.

"My world is spinnin', I don't look back
Earthquakes....heart attacks"

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: SONGS: #4 - Midnight Crisis - "(Get Home) Dangerous"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #3 - Midnight Crisis - "Kiss My Apocalipps"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

Stream/Download "Sister Vicodin on BandCamp

Download "Sister Vicodin" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "Sister Vicodin" on Apple iTunes

Download "Sister Vicodin" on Amazon

"Sister Vicodin" on Spotify

Sunday, November 12, 2017

SONGS: #4 - Midnight Crisis - "(Get Home) Dangerous"

"Sunshine couldn't be so clever, the sidewalk sparkles in the midnight heat..."

I wrote the first two verses of this song about 15-fucking-years ago, when I was living in a bedbug-infested building made of Tinkertoys near the southern border of Hell's Kitchen. I'd been in New York City for a short time, and by all accounts, was struggling in virtually every way possible. 

[I mean, when I went out, I'd often bring a little bottle of Jim Beam in my pocket to "modify & fortify" my Friday nights, out in the East Village/Lower East Side, or when I lacked that kind of fore-site, I'd stop by a deli between bar stops & grab a can of Bud to slam on the rockin' stroll onward.]

But, I didn't care! I was becoming what I always wanted to be, or so I thought. I had a band, & I was going out a lot, getting to know cool & beautiful people, playing shows at Don Hill's, The Continental, & CBGB's,  and making my way, becoming part of the city I fell head-over-heels in love with. By day, I'd put my hair back into a pony-tail, caffeinate my hangovers away, and work as an "office temp" - which, essentially, allowed me to subsist & get reasonably "refreshed" while, in my mind, looking for my Street of Dreams and, ya know...all of that shit.

Also, I met a lot of "tragic types" along the way, who had their own stories to tell, and liked having someone to tell them to, even amidst the borderline squalor I was living in. That's what verse 2 is all about.

It really was a different world, then....anyway.... 

Anyway, all these years since I wrote the gist of the first two verses of this song, they always sort-of haunted me in my head, and I knew that I wanted to use them for something, but wasn't sure what, until Lase & I started writing. One night, it dawned on me (no pun intended) when, at bar time, someone typically said to me, "Get home safe!" 

"Fuck THAT," I thought, "Get home DANGEROUS!" 

I guess the point is, nothing cool or inspiring or interesting ever happened as a result of playing it safe, as far as I know. The frustration & struggling & adversity is worth it, because you do your own thing in your own time, whatever that means to you. I think and hope that I convey that effectively in the third verse and in the choruses. 

I don't know what the fuck I have to show for this line of thinking, but...I have this song, in any case.

Lase and I wrote this song on a very productive night (we wrote "Sister Vicodin" that night too - more on that next week). I came in with most of the lyrics & a rhythmic idea that became part of the main riff (dadada....duh-daaaaaaaaah)....we had a drink & worked on it for about an hour, and....shit, we came up with those cool "question and answer" vocal lines in the choruses. We made a demo recording of it right away, a little bit of which remains on the final recording.

When we were recording the vocals, I took a couple of opportunities to do some Monster Magnet-style screams on here. That was a lot of fun.

Lase is particularly stoked on this track, and I believe it's his favorite track on the album. As for me, it's too difficult for me to pick & I don't feel like I've got to choose!

Until next week......Thanks for reading/listening!

- Marty E.

"You haven't done it all
But you've done your part...."

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: SONGS: #3 - Midnight Crisis - "Kiss My Apocalipps" 
THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"  

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control" 

Stream/Download "(Get Home) Dangerous" on BandCamp

Download "(Get Home) Dangerous" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "(Get Home) Dangerous" on Apple iTunes 

Download "(Get Home) Dangerous" on Amazon

"(Get Home) Dangerous" on Spotify 



Sunday, November 5, 2017

SONGS: #3 - Midnight Crisis - "Kiss My Apocalipps"

At our album release party, last month, I introduced this song by saying, "I had a dream I was David Johansen as an anchor man, reading the evening news...and that includes the sports and weather, motherfuckers!!!"

It's total bullshit, but it explains the song pretty well, if you ask me.

This is an example of a song, that, lyric-wise, was a complete stream-of-consciousness explosion, aided by sleep-deprivation, and media over-exposure. That's a mouthful, isn't it?

It was late Summer, 2016. Dim Donnie Trump had just clinched the Republican nomination for....(gulp)...the....presidency.  I mean, it was unTHINKable! One couldn't take it seriously, almost. It just felt like a big fucking joke - one that stood out, significantly, in a world that's FULL of bad jokes.

It was one of those nights in which I stayed up all night at my girl's house, watching crappy shows on Netflix, and dicking around, playing Words With Friends, etc, until 6:30 in the morning, when one (usually) has no choice but to pass out.

That was when it hit me: "Armageddon won't be televised, Pull the silver screens over your eyes...." Again, this ultimate fruition of what they called "Trumpism" COULDN'T be real. It HAD to be a fucking JOKE. It will PASS, and SOON, right? He can't possibly, WIN, right? RIGHT?!!! Something in the back of my mind probably was probably a little nervous, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself or take it seriously. So I got back up, and wrote the ENTIRE lyric of this song, pretty much verbatim with how we recorded it. I then immediately texted it to Lase, who asked me why the fuck I was still up!

What's weird about it is, that third verse: "The nightmare, Baby, has come true, The shallow end is deeper than you..." Again, I was pretty-much kidding.  I mean, I thought it was..."apocalyptic" enough, if you will, that this fucking moron got the NOMINATION.  I'm not pretentious or full-of-shit enough to say that I was being prophetic or some shit - I had NO fucking idea what was going to happen. What I did think was that maybe this was, in some sick way, a way to a path forward - one that would possibly scare us into some good sense (and, hell, maybe it still is, but I have my doubts). That's what I think I meant by, "You can fucking keep yesterday..." The last I heard, looking back never got anyone anywhere. I have always felt that nostalgia, more often than not, holds us back from becoming what we should know, that kind of shit. Before long, you start telling kids to get off your lawn! What I guess I'm getting at is, if we can survive and get through this dark fucking mess, maybe we can can come out of it better than we were somehow. That's probably a big "IF" I don't know what choice we have but to try.

[There's also an excellent chance that this is all a big CON JOB, but....that's another discussion.]

This shit sure took on new meaning for me after the election results came in, almost a year ago. But, if you're reading this, you already know all about that, so...we'll leave that there.

The point of this? Well...some people are calling it the end of the world. I am not - at least not yet. But if it is, there's really not a lot that any of us can do about it except educate ourselves and be the best that we can be, in spite of it. "If tomorrow never come, When the lights go out, we'll have our day in the sun." (That's probably a nod to PRINCE, too).

As far as the actually writing of the song itself, I just sang the lyrics over Lase's riffs that he came up with on the fly. What we came up with really plays to my (admittedly limited) strengths as a singer. I'm sort of imitating an imaginary hybrid of David Johansen (again) & Lux Interior having the misfortune of selling used cars, or some shit. For that reason, it's probably my favorite song in the set to sing. 

What do YOU think?

Thanks for reading & listening. Song #4 one week from now.

Marty E.

"Don't be afraid, Baby, to take that dive, 'cause it's the only way you'll ever know you're alive...."

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: Songs: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"

THE WEEK BEFORE THAT: Songs #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

Stream/Download "Kiss My Apocalipps" on BandCamp

Download "Kiss My Apocalipps" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "Kiss My Apocalipps" on Apple iTunes

Download "Kiss My Apocalipps" on Amazon

"Kiss My Apocalipps" on Spotify


Sunday, October 29, 2017

SONGS: #2 - Midnight Crisis - "Midnight Somewhere"

First of all, this song is definitely the most optimistic one on the entire album, and probably the closest thing to "radio friendly" - whatever THAT means, these days.

Not to sound cliche', but, I swear that this wasn't intentional.

All I know is that the night we wrote it, I knew on the train ride over to LASE's house that I wanted to write a song called "Midnight Somewhere", but I had no lyrics, no riffs, and no particular ideas in mind at all. I just thought that it was a cool title, not just in relation to the band's name, but also...regardless of that, it seemed to me like a title that implies a what my idea of what the spirit of Rock n' Roll is all about, which is, essentially, that anything might be possible if you make it happen...and that life presents awesome opportunities, both large and small, at every turn, if your mind and your heart are in the right place and your eyes are willing to see them. PLUS, every night's true beginning, in MY mind, has always been at MIDNIGHT,'s always midnight SOMEWHERE, isn't it?

Anyway, we had a little drink of this and maybe some of that, and then Lase picked up a guitar and hit what became that opening riff, & I, in my Rock n' Roll Seinfeldian way, said something like, "That's fucking good! Keep playing THAT!" Then he started singing that little "Ah-uh-ah" hook that we do in the intro sections. This was beginning to sound like something resembling a SONG, already.

I started scrawling lyrics down about whatever came to mind. I was remembering what was typical & magical in its way, not too long ago....wandering down Ludlow Street, maybe a little after 10pm in the late September chill (at least at the time) with no particular destination in mind (ok, full disclosure: Motor City would have likely been the first stop), and not knowing what the night might bring, but knowing full well that the plan was to have as much fun as humanly possible (and maybe write a song about it later - no shit). There's something about that feeling of not knowing what's going to be happening four hours from now, but knowing that you surely as all hell want to find out. If you're reading this, you are likely to know the feeling that I'm talking about, but whether you do or not: "So hot, so bright, Out in the cool breeze tonight, You don't know where you'll go but you're damn sure where you might..." It's not a feeling or a state of mind that's easy to recreate, & trying too hard might ruin it, like a night like that, itself.  But...we were in the zone, and I think we might have gotten it as close to in that first verse as we possibly could. Every time I sing it, it still takes me down that street, heading South.

The second verse seems like it might be a little bit of a downer - you woke up after partying & celebrating your very existence.  Lord knows where you are & with whom, & you're discombobulated, and not just a little bit hung over. But, at the same time, "You're lucky you woke up today..." It's not all bad. It used to always be my assertion that a bad hangover is a reminder of the good times you had the night before. That's not my point of view nearly as often these days, but....I can certainly still write about it. "The Sun is passing through the hourglass, It's your shining moment make it last.....HEY!!!" The optimism continues, huh? I guess...

That was a way of life for a long time....

That's about it, really....oh, except the bridge....

That just came from this idea I had about...sort of turning chicken shit into chicken salad, as they say. "Obliterate. Deviate. Alleviate. Elevate. CREATE." Again, it comes from the same line of thinking that, to be honest, has probably killed a lot of those of the "creative ilk" - the old stand-by about taking life to the limits in order to fuel your creativity. There's a certain amount of truth to that, but I think that creativity depends a lot more on having experiences, the ability to channel them into whatever your talents dictate, and above all, having something passionate to say about them, and perhaps something to communicate regarding learning from them. 

Jesus H. Christ....I digress....

I had delusions of bringing signs onstage with the words from the bridge hand-written on them like Bob Dylan and INXS, but.....that idea got shot down, HAHAHAHAHAHA....

It's kind-of funny - one of the first times we played this song live, I sort-of paraphrased Social Distortion (after a fashion) when introducing this song, by saying, "If you like 'happy songs', enjoy this one, because this is the only one in the set!" (This, if course, isn't entirely true, but...whatever). After the show, my homeboy Chris Santos came up to me and said, "Yo, that 'happy song' was my favorite song in the set!" Hahahahahaha. That's cooler than hell. The way I see it, is...if you like ANY of these songs enough to pick a favorite, then we are definitely getting somewhere. And...hell, maybe THAT's what the song is about.

I don't fucking know. To paraphrase Keith fucking Richards, we just happen to be there when the songs arrive

Anyway, thanks for reading, thanks for listening, and there will be another entry next week, and ever week until we have one for each song on the album. 


Marty E.

"Outshine the brightest star!"

LAST WEEK's ENTRY: SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

Stream/Download "Midnight Somewhere" on Bandcamp

Download "Midnight Somewhere" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "Midnight Somewhere" on Apple iTunes

Download "Midnight Somewhere" on Amazon

"Midnight Somewhere" on Spotify

Sunday, October 22, 2017

SONGS: #1 - Midnight Crisis - "Take Control"

"Take Control" is the first song on Heart Beatings, my first album with Midnight Crisis, which is my first album as a lead singer & songwriter, (along with LASE, of course)....and furthermore, it's the first complete-incomplete song idea I've every put together on my own (which LASE added to later).

So, there are a lot of firsts, there.

Oddly enough, that song came spontaneously, out of cluttered air, about four years ago. It was one of those rare nights (at the time) when I stayed in & chilled after at least a week of going out every night. I was sitting with my acoustic bass guitar, which I'd had for the better part of ten years, but had done nothing short of jack shit with...and I thought: let's try something this rhythmic riff idea that I got from the Sisters of Mercy's song "Ribbons" - really simple, but quite deliberate, and easy to put a melody and an attitude over. So I fucked around with it, rolled it, poled it, and marked it with an E...but then I had to go to the other part of this idea...which was to take the main riff to Janes Addiction's "Ain't No Right", and put THAT through the same battering process to change it JUST enough to sound like it might resemble something of its own. (I also wanted all of this this contextualized by some sort of Guns n' Roses "Rocket Queen" or Motley Crue  "Too Young To Fall In Love" sort of feel and swagger, if you will). Then, somehow, I came up with the bridge part, too, just via trial and error. 

It's not as if I was or am ANY kind of bass player, or guitar player, but I am able to teach myself how to play what I have on my head and show it to someone else...who can then take the main idea and add the punctuation - dot the Ts and cross the Is - make this bold, and italicize this, and add lots of colors & shades & cool shit to it, and make it a fucking SONG, ya know?

I digress...

Another really funny thing I did when I did the original demo of the song (which, like all of my song ideas, I made using GarageBand on my phone, and doing a LOT of swearing in the process) was....I banged out a sort of "machine-shop" percussion track on this metal stool of mine, kind-of like I'd imagine Cop Shoot Cop probably did once upon a time, and it gave it this really cool, unique special percussion effect. It's for the reason that I banged out a similar pattern on an iron skillet when we recorded the song for real, at LASE's house, and if you listen really closely, you can start hearing it, I think, after the chorus kicks in.

Lyrics? Hell, I don't know. I came up with the entire thing on the fly, lyric-wise, and kept 95% of it the way I wrote it that night. It was just something that took shape, in that spontaneous, stream-of-consciousness kind of way that songs (sometimes the best ones) often do. I after I'd gotten the musical skeleton down, I just listened to it, and, without thinking about it, started with, "Sometimes I think about you when I'm lost into the night...." (a little PJ Harvey and a little Only Ones - right in the first line, huh?). I mean, ANYONE from your girlfriend to your grandma wants to hear that, you know what I mean? But you have to say these things within the rhythmic context of the song, and hopefully wrap enough of a melody around it to make it palatable for anyone besides yourself, HAHAHAHAHA!!! It can be a bitch....but when it works, it works.

My favorite lyric? The last line in verse 1: "...every tear you cry paints a picture of my heartbreak."

The chorus? "Take control"...of what, exactly? Hell....I think I was just really singing about what the fuck I was doing, now that I think about it. I'd had a lot of song ideas in my head for years, some being better than others, and was frustrated that none of them were coming into fruition. So, without giving it a lot of thought, I finally grabbed myself by the breaches and got to work....and now, we finally have an album of it.

I digress....

Anyway, the lyrics took about 5 minutes to write, and I finished the demo around 6am or so, or in my world, bed time!

It's the coolest thing in the world for me to have made this a real, recorded song, with LASE's killer guitar madness, not to mention his top-fucking-notch production/engineering work, + Mike's brutal warrior drums whipping it mercilessly into shape.

Anyway, download a copy....or at LEAST stream it.

And thank you for listening.

Next song, next week.

Marty E.

"Nothin' matters but tonight and you and me..."

Stream/download "Take Control" on BandCamp

Download "Take Control" on CD Baby (or buy Heart Beatings CD)

Download "Take Control" on Apple iTunes

Download "Take Control" on Amazon

"Take Control" on Spotify

Saturday, January 11, 2014

....and to think that they had to cut down trees to make the toilet paper that we threw up into the trees.....

This one takes us WAY back....

I was NOT the popular kid back in high school. I got a multitude of shit for being different, and it was mostly unpleasant to say the least....but in retrospect, it almost makes me feel honored at this point....but that's another story.

There were a LOT of trees in my family's front and back yards....and for some reason, during my sophomore year, it seemed like a weekend wouldn't go by without some jerkoffs toilet-papering the trees. After this happened a few times, I grew tired of it....and it just so happened that I heard through the grapevine who was behind these toilet papering shenanigans. I aimed to retaliate!

So...I got a couple of my friends together, and we went to the grocery store and bought....well, a SHITLOAD of toilet paper. The funniest part was, when we went to pay for it, my friend Dan said to the lady behind the cash register, "Um.....yeah.....we all REALLY have to GO!" Ahahahahahaha!!!!!!

This douchelord who was the target of my wrath lived on the outskirts of town, in a fairly heavily-wooded area. PERFECT! And nobody was home. EVEN BETTER!!!  

We papered the entire area around this crankjob's house with meticulous artistry!!!! And none of us could hold back our laughs as we did so. It was fucking hilarious!!! I can see, now, why those shaft sanders had so much fun in MY yard! HAhahahaha.

The best part, though, was running back to my friend's car, and driving by, to examine our handiwork. It was gorgeous! All of that toilet paper, waving in the trees like ghosts in the breeze! It still warms my heart to think about it!

Anyway....please don't squeeze the Charmin!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Winter's Tale or Just Another Metaphor For Life

This one goes back a little bit.... right after I graduated from college, and moved to smack-dab in the middle of an Arctic Tundra known as Minneapolis, MN....right on I-94, equidistant from Uptown and Downtown, if you're familiar with the area. I had a view of the modest skyline of Downtown, and found the sound of the traffic from the highway to be comforting for some reason.

I digress.....

I was looking for what the Replacements would call, a "Goddamn Job", when I came across an ad stating that a local dinner theatre company was looking for musicians for a Patsy Cline revue....I think it was called Closer Walk with Patsy Cline. They wanted a drummer who could also sing vocal harmony parts. "What the hell", I thought, "I could do THAT....and, I might LEARN something....and....who's going to have a COOLER first post-college job than THAT?! NO fucker, THAT's who!!!" I called the number in the ad immediately, talked myself up a bit (no shit), and set up the audition for that Saturday.

I remember it being colder than witch's lingerie closet that day. No matter, I got in the pick-up truck & drove to the suburbs for my audition. This would be a good time to mention that I was a TOTAL CHEAPSKATE when it came to keeping the tank filled with much so that I found myself tempting fate very often (much like our good friend Kramer). Well, this was NOT a good day to do that, as I admitted to myself when, right on the goddamn highway, with the gas gauge on "E" (usually my favorite letter, but perhaps not in this case), the engine just....petered out. I got out of the truck and tried a little trick that I used to use when this would happen, which was to take the gas cap off & keep it open. For some reason, this would often allow me to start the damn truck up again, and coast to the nearest gas station. didn't work this time, and I was getting late for my audition.

I grabbed the gas can (which, now that I think about it, I should have kept FILLED) from underneath the topper, and flagged down someone who was nice enough to drive me to a gas station (which was less than a mile away, of course) to get some gas. When I got back, I poured the gas into the tank, and then I reached for my keys......which....weren't.....there.

Yup, there they the ignition, where I left them. And of COURSE I locked the goddamn door...and the other one. FUCK!!! WHAT the HELL was I going to do?! I was now more than fashionably late for my audition, and I didn't have any time for this crap! 

So....I did what any other enterprising, red-blooded, young American Rock n' Roller would have done. I crawled underneath the on my side....brought my leg back with an angle so my boot heel was aimed just so.....and, with all of my might, I KICKED IN the middle panel of the back window!!!  Then I reached in, grabbed my drum sticks, and with them, flipped the lever on the side of the door and unlocked it. Then I grabbed the blanket that I had back there, and covered the seat with it (as there was no sense in getting cut by broken glass).

I finally pulled into the theatre company's offices, apologized profusely for being (at least) a half hour late, and explained how much of a DUMBASS I was!! Thankfully, they were totally cool about it. 

I did my drumming/percussion audition, my singing audition, and my doing-both-at-the-same-time audition (despite being as winded as Holy Hell)..... make a long story not QUITE as long......

....I GOT THE GIG!!!!!  BOOM!!!!!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Are you happy, now?!!! How!!! Or.....NOW?!!!! or Some Fast Food For Thought

"Every time I think of happy I think of h-a-p-p-y. It's a funny word. I think of slaphappy. What's happy? There are feelings of well-being and comfort and peace, love, of feeling assured. I guess I was happy the day I got my Tome Mix cowboy spurs when I was six years old -- but on that same day my great-grandmother died, so..." - Al Pacino, Playboy Interview, December, 1996

I remember reading this when I was working at the Greyhound Bus Station, back in WisCONsin, a few years before I split to New York City. It really opened my eyes up, because I could relate to what he said 100%!

I remember being at my dad's funeral when I was 7-years-old, right? It just so happened that my new best friend was having his birthday party on the same day. After the service at the church, everyone gathered for refreshments or whatever in the church basement. And my Mom asked my sister-in-law if she would drive me to the birthday party. Her line of thinking was, "The funeral is over-with, so why does he have to hang around? He might as well go and have some fun with his new friends...." So, of course, I went to the party in my little suit & tie, and ate cake & ice cream, and I think I even talked about my dad a little bit with my friend's mom. You, know, it was alright. I think that, in hindsight, it was extremely cool of my Mom to have me go to that party.

Was I happy?  Probably not, but...I  probably laughed a lot. And....THERE's the rub!

But, essentially, what Pacino is saying, and I'm sort-of echoing, is that....for many of us, happiness seems to happen according to whatever the last thing is that happened.  I stubbed my I'm pissed....but, then a friend said something now, I'm happy! That's usually how every day goes for me. I have some wild mood swings every now and then, but I've never really found any sort of sustainable happiness, I don't think. But, with that said, I've found EVEN LESS sustainable UNhappiness. And I think that's probably the whole point, at the end of the day. If you find yourself feeling more good than bad, when it all boils down, you're probably coming out ahead.  I guess, it's all relative and subjective...and up to each of us as individuals, according our own experiences in life and our consequential perspectives, to suss out the difference.

It's funny, though. I know rich people who are miserable, and poor people who seem happy, and vice versa. I know married people who are happy, and some definitely not so much, and ditto for single people. I know happy drunks, and I know sober people who make me want to jump off a bridge. I know successful people who are thrilled as all HELL with their accomplishments, and those who don't appreciate anything...even themselves and their own hard work. I know people who have had some awful, traumatic shit happen in their past, who seem to have gained some kind of peace with it, and people who at least claim to have had smooth-sailing all the way who are totally lost. I've certainly seen content people who have struggled all their lives and and I've seen people with diamond-encrusted golden spoons for miles who are incorrigible at best. So, in summation, there's absolutely no blueprint!

(Now, granted, nobody REALLY knows what has happened in someone's past, no matter WHO they are or WHERE they came from...not to mention that nobody has a right to judge). 

So, money doesn't buy happiness (but I'll take it). Marriage & relationships certainly don't, necessarily (but the right ones will certainly help, if you can find them). So what is it? Drugs and alcohol? Nope. Big parties, every night? Hell no. (Not that there's anything inherently wrong with any of those things, either). 

Is it about having great people close to you? Now we might be onto something with that, for sure, at least in my case. No matter how many friends you have, what really matters is that the people close to you are real, and there for the right reasons...and for you be the same way to them. I've been extremely lucky in that regard, and hope my friends feel that they have been with me. Not everyone might agree that having people close to them contributes to their happiness, but...I just can't relate to that, and I'm someone who needs my alone time as much as the next guy. Love and understanding rank highly with me.

I also think that it's just as important to feel inspired, engaged, and moving forward with your hopes, dreams and aspirations, and to feel like you have some kind of place carved out in the world, and that you are moving forward....or at least that's important to me, for sure!  And these things can evolve and change over time. Hell, part of growing is about finding new interests, new ambitions, and new talents....and new ways to apply your knowledge and experiences that you rack up all the time. I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but, again...for me, it's unquestionable.

When you sift through all of the bullshit, I think it's about self-awareness and how that coincides with the reality of this fucked-up world around us. And I think that the more time goes on, and the more rapidly the world changes, the more often it is demanded of us to adapt....and sometimes, that's a large pain in the ass. But, what are the options? Few, at best?

There's another conundrum that occurred to me the other day. I hope that we aren't faced with just two choices; to either wind up being jaded, cold, and callous.....or in a perpetual state of arrested adolescence?!  Shit, if given that choice, clearly, I'd choose the latter, but I hope that perhaps we can come up with something better than that!

I don't have any answers.....just more and more questions. If anything, I'm just thinking aloud, trying to make sense of everything that brought me to where I'm sitting right this very moment. know, it's not bad....not bad at all.

Bundle up, everyone.....

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Welcome To the Concrete Jungle....or.....My First Night Out On the Town in NYC!

All of you who know me know that I know my way around the big city, & that I've had my share of late, late nights...but that I generally am able to keep my shit together.  (I'm knocking on wood as I write that, hahahaha).

This was not always the case, and I'm going to tell you a funny story to illustrate that.

It was approximately a year before I moved into town. I had never, ever been to New York City in my life, and knew nothing about it, aside from what I read about 10 times in PLEASE KILL ME. I had flown here with my good friend Dan (my oldest friend from back home, for lack of a better term). We crashed at his sister, Julie's apartment on the Upper West Side. (Julie would later become my sort-of "Rock n' Roll big sister" when I was a new kid in town, for which I am eternally grateful). We had a big dinner and a few beers the first night we were here....but we couldn't wait to get our asses out to the East Village/Lower East Side to....immerse ourselves in the perceived coolness that was there. 

Yeah, right.

So, we got on the Subway Train and went downtown, not really knowing what the hell we were doing or where the hell we were going, but knowing that we wanted to hit Coney Island High and the Continental, etc. I'm sure that we looked just as clueless as we were at the time. I think we went to the Continental first, and had a couple of Heinekens and shots of Jagermeister (my combo of choice at the time. Yuck!), and probably very obviously ogled at the girls there, etc, whom I'm certain took no notice of us. I hope not, anyway, hahahahaha!!!

Anyway, we headed around the corner to Coney Island High, and the dude at the door (who was that?) said that there were psychedelic bands playing upstairs, or some shit. That was good enough for us, so we headed on up, ordered ourselves another round, and checked out the band, whoever it was.

Soon, we started getting a little bit drunk, when some attractive black-haired girl started talking to me. I should have known from the start that it was too good to be true, and that I was being played, but I was much younger and more naive, let alone a stranger in a strange land. It probably didn't help that I mentioned that I didn't live in NYC....I think I recall her response being something along the lines of, "No shit!"

Pretty soon, this chick started dancing with her arms around me, and, of course, I thought that I had hit the jackpot! I was probably thinking, "Party time in NEW YORK!! I think I LIKE this place!!!"

She was dancing behind me, while, I suppose I was waving my hands in the air like I just don't care, or something to that effect. And I didn't....until I felt her hands around my waist...unbuckling my BELT!!!  To make matters worse, this chick started pulling my PANTS down!  

Luckily enough, even in my advanced state of refreshment, my reflexes were sharp enough that I was able to fight her off without being disrobed and/or overexposed, the operative term being, "Listen, you crazy bitch, leave me the fuck ALONE!"

And of course she looked at me with her faced crumpled with disdain, and yelled, "FINE, BE THAT WAY!" before she and her friend walked out the door. It was then that I noticed Dan laughing his ass off.  I re-buckled by belt, and probably suggested that he shut the fuck up, and come with me to the bar to get another beer!

Before long, we walked over to Bleecker Street Bar for some reason, and continued with the merriment, and basically had a good time...albeit less eventful.

But the story doesn't end there!

We decided it was about time to head back to Julie's GOD know's what time, but I suspect it was close to NYC's bar time of 4am. We grabbed the Subway to head back to the Upper West Side. I guess somewhere along the way, the booze and energy of the Big City got the best of me....because the next thing I knew, I was being nudged awake by this little Hispanic Good Samaritan Dude who was sitting next to me (thank you, Sir, whomever and wherever you may be). I looked around, and Dan wasn't THERE! Dude said that he had left!

In other words, I had passed out during the train ride, and Dan walked off the train, apparently assuming that I was walking behind him. He didn't notice that I was sitting there catching up on some much-need rest until he was off the train and the doors had closed! 

I was scared shitless, because I I was drunk, alone, and didn't know my way around to save my life. So, I did the only thing I could think of TO do, and I got off the train, grabbed a payphone, and called Julie (whose #, luckily, was in my pocket. I had no cellphone yet).

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM OR WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!!" I exclaimed, as I heard Dan laughing his ass off (AGAIN) in the background. 

She told me, between guffaws, to just jump in a cab and have it drop me off on the corner by her building. 

"Oh....well.....ok, then!" Simple enough, right?

When I walked through her door, we decided that, in light of the hilarity that we had experienced that night, just one more round of Heinekens was in order, despite my exhausted state.


It seems so long ago.....yet it doesn' know what I mean?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sometimes, a bar isn't just a bar....or nothing lasts forever

So, the "Clubhouse".....known to most as St. Jerome or St. Jerome's...has closed its doors for good.

Now, some people would say, "Jeez, Man....what's the big deal? There are thousands of bars in New York City....go hang out somewhere else! It's just a bar! GROW UP, already!"

Well, it's not that way, exactly.

This is a place where, for over five years, I've made friends, forged alliances, worked, played, relaxed, laughed, screamed, wept, sang, pondered, dreamed, danced, and had a lot of great times, whether I liked or remembered them or not. I also had many, many, many, MANY beers with a lot of great people....some who went on to fame & fortune, and others whom I'll never see again....but I love them all. If you're reading this, you're very likely one of them, and you know damn well that I mean it.

It started, for me, one deep, dark night a little over five years ago.  I'd just gotten out of an "unhealthy (to say the least) relationship", and had just started The Dirty Pearls with my homeboy, Tommy London.  I needed a new home base, a new watering hole....a new CLUBHOUSE! My good friend Luc Carl (the man who started the whole goddamn nightmare) was bartending, and after a couple of "Happy Meals", I asked him if he needed any djs there.  He told me that if I wanted to do Sundays, that they were mine.  "Fuck it," I thought, "I'll do fucking Sundays, then!"  It was a good start.

My first Sunday there, I walked into the bar, and this tall, thin gentleman was behind the bar. "Hey, Man," I said, extending my hand, "I'm the new dj." 

He shook my hand, and very smarmily, answered, "Are you gonna play....anything GOOD?!"

I walked to the booth to set up, wondering who this wise ass thought he was.  I started playing the shit that I play, and got to talking with him.  After two rounds of Budweisers & "Warm-up" shots, I discovered that who he thought he was, was Mr Brian Newman, and we became fast friends after discovering a mutual love for Thin Lizzy and Lynyrd Skynyrd (and it was Newman who brought in the neon Thin Lizzy sign that remains there to this day (?)). We've been friends ever since, and have both grown a lot since those days.

Those Sundays weren't always the most popular or packed night at the bar, but there was always plenty of Rock N' Roll, drinks, and good company to have a great time with.  You could always expect some cool fuckers, or others, to stop by, and when I would arrive at 10:00 pm on Sunday night, I always wondered who it might be.

Sometimes, who it would be was a dude who wound up being, essentially, the "House DJ", and one of the best drinking buddies & all-around stand-up guys you could ever meet, Mr Ian Eldorado. I don't know how we got to be such great friends, but I know that it involved Budweiser and Jameson, and vintage Rock n' Roll t-shirts....and it still does!

Luc, Tommy, Newman, Ian, and I wound up becoming the "Rivington Rebels", a sort-of mobile drinking & hanging out club who often hang out at St. Jerome, and on the Lower East Side in general. We are, maybe, reminiscent of Alice Cooper's Hollywood Vampires in the 70's, that would hang out in the secret loft upstairs at the Rainbow in L.A.  

So...that's the early jist of it. 

The Clubhouse has changed in this way and that way since the early days, as life always does.  That said, there has been a spirit that has remains constant, and that comes from those of us who convene there. Some people have called it, "a scene", which is fine....I know that many scenes have been made there, whatever that means!  Tommy went deeper and called it, "a community", which it most-certainly is.  To me, though, I feel that it's in my blood at this me, it's closer to a family.  It certainly means enough to us for the Dirty Pearls to have a song about the place that we play almost every time we take the stage. I, for one, can't get through the 4-count intro on my h-hat without feeling like I'm in the corner stool with a smile on my face.

That isn't something that you can get at just any bar that opens down the street.

That's why it's the end of an era.

All of that being it the end of the world?  No.  All of us who have been a part of it will likely be bonded by the common experience that we had & shared in the place.  And, surely, we will find other places to listen to Rock N' Roll and watch the night fold and unfold 12 or 13 times.  We will all continue amazing and cool shit in the early part of the evening, and then celebrate later 'til the wee hours....then call each other the next day, and ask what the hell happened. Keep your phone on.

The Clubhouse is closed! LONG LIVE THE CLUBHOUSE!  Or, as I wrote on the bathroom wall, "OUR GHOSTS WILL DRINK HERE FOREVER."

Thanks for all of the good nights, great friends, and many, many drinks!

Marty E.

PS-I write this with all due deference to, besides everyone I've mentioned before, to Jonas, Kelle, Stinks, Carlos, Bryan, Starlight, Dustan, Gigi, David, Ashley, Kelly, Conrad, Niko, Yoshi, Breedlove, Seth, Danae, Josh, Wolf, Necktie, Seth, Christian, Adam, Jess, & everyone else I hung out & had drinks/laughs with.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


I go out all the time.  More often than not, I'm out at least 5 nights a week.  There are two reasons for it. 

One reason is simple: I'm addicted to FUN.  Call it a state of perpetual adolescence if you'd like, but that's a lot of what life in the big city is about for a lot of us. 

The other reason is slightly less simple: to promote the band and support what other people have going on.  I call it "productive drinking." (There's a great enabling term for you).  The truth of the matter is that it works. In any kind of entertainment business, being out there and socializing is a key to getting to where you want to be.  A lot of people don't understand that....but then again, perhaps they don't want to be where I want to be.  God Bless.

The ironic truth about it is, when I'm promoting and socializing....I'd much rather be playing & performing.  But the promoting and socializing part is essential, I feel, to get to a position where you're playing every night. Such is the duality of the core of the Big Apple.

What's really funny is that after I've PLAYED a show & sweated my way to the inch of my life...I want
to fucking CELEBRATE with my friends who are experiencing this crazy shit with me, and live it up to a job well done....and that includes ALL of the promoting, socializing, playing, and performing.  For me, that's all part of the job! already knew that.

To extend upon my point before about "productive drinking", etc....if there isn't either something to promote or celebrate....going out is meaningless. Sure, it's great to hang out with your friends, but....having purpose in your life makes you a better friend in the first place.

This town is made of random acts of kindness....the kind that nobody tells you about.  You know, because you've been the one who did the "acting", or someone else did for you.  Those "acts" come from people who, generally speaking, are happy and enjoy life, which, again, is why most of us are here in the first place.  For me, the hard work, as well as the celebration thereof, are keys to happiness. It's really fucking important, and it is this fact that keeps me from getting too jaded.  Remind me that I said that the next time you see me acting like an asshole out there, hahahahaha.

The bottom line is that I still think that it's a great gig if you can get it.  You just need to maintain some sense of balance.  But that's another story.

Let's have a drink, shall we?

What the hell is that noise?!!! or The Sounds of Summer in the City

(All song clips in this entry are songs that I was listening to at the time I'm ranting about. Coincidentally, most of it came out at that time too. Thank GOD, whoever he/she is. Music marks history, but is above & beyond it at the same time. More importantly, it's a great soundtrack).

"How can you STAND the NOISE?!!!"

"I just couldn't HANDLE it.....NO!"

"WHAT the HELL is GOING ON here?!!"

I hear it all of the time, and, frankly, I suppose I do understand the sentiment....even though sometimes those quotes are about ME.

(Sorry about that).

But, as I've probably told you....I flew into town with five suitcases that literally bruised my shoulders...only to wake up on my friend's floor (where I was very happy to be -- see previous blog for THAT's a good one). I remember waking up, thinking to myself, "Holy shit! I'm here, and I'm alive....and I don't even know what that means!" I was about to grow, because I had no fucking choice!

I showered & scanned the Village Voice for job, apartment, and audition ads, like so many others undoubtedly did that day (there was no Craig's List yet, and certainly nothing resembling Social Networks).

The last thing I heard before I walked out the door ...made me think....."What the FUCK is THIS annoying HORSESHIT playing OVER and OVER again?!!! Sheee-IT, Man!!! Could you SWITCH it UP at least?!!! Play something ELSE that SUCKS, perhaps, but is DIFFERENT!!!"

Yes, it was the Mr. Softee Ice Cream Truck....and yes, I was a newbee.....but holy shit, that spooked me out! 


I walked to the train, and heard some bird call me, "Billy Ray Cyrus", because of my leather cowboy hat that I was wearing at the time.  "Welcome to New York", I was thinking.  I was also wondering why the bird who said that didn't recognize a ROCKER when she saw one...or maybe she did, liked what she saw, & was trying to get me to give her a second look.  I had a much thinner skin then. Looking back, that was a good one!

Soon, I found my way around town, in that relative sense. If you want to know what they mean by, "Do or die," then chuck everything for the big city, like my homeboys and I did....then come talk to me, because I want to hear your take on it! Everyone's experiences and perspectives are different, and totally valid.

But the sounds on the streets, in my speakers, and in my head....never have been lost on me.  They represent a time & place...from the sound of the dude cursing & payphone & slamming the receiver down so hard that he broke the damn phone (if you see a broken payphone, you know what I mean) to the sound of the 8am subway train on my way to my first job in town (This AT THE DRIVE-IN song still sounds like the A train arriving on 44th & 8th) to....the sounds of hookers cat-calling at me on my way home from striking out at Doc Holiday's after drinking a shitloads of Pabst Blue Ribbon & Jim Beam.

I'm in a completely different place now, but these songs, when I hear them, bring me back in different ways. They can make me feel uncertain, or tired, or wistful, or irrationally determined, or melancholy, or scared, or desperate, or clueless, or whathaveyou.  It makes me think of the state I was in back then, when I really didn't know what to expect from one minute to the next.  It was an extremely exciting time, in a lot of ways.  I think that it took a lot of courage to jump head-first into the belly of the beast, as they say. But I did it in such a state of suspended animation, as if I was watching a someone else go through all of this crazy shit.....shit that I don't think is so crazy now, really. 

I mean, think about your life.....and all of the experiences you've had that you can remember.  Wouldn't your life be different if you took away ONE of them?  (I'm not referring to the irreparably shitty ones, of course. We can all do without those). You wouldn't exactly be YOU if you didn't have them all filed upstairs.

What's funny is that, NOW, when I hear the Mr Softee truck & all of it's inane noise, or when I see some half-drunk dude playing air-bongos on the sidewalk along with Salsa Music blaring from his car at 6pm on a Friday, when he presumably just got finished with work, or I hear the sirens going Nowhere North of Nowhere every day.....I don't mind so much.  It reminds me of where I am, and that I'm well on my way with succeeding at what I came here to do.  It's many years and miles away from the deafening silence of the Midwest, which I was scared to leave, and even more terrifed NOT to.