Thursday, August 6, 2009

How to meet girls the long, hard way, or what's this dirt on my eye? (Weird Tales From the City, Part 2)

This strange occurrence happened about 8 years ago....and many, MANY beers,'s 100% true, as far as I can recollect....some (not many) of you might remember this when it happened.

I'd been in NYC for less than a, I almost had my "sea legs", ie, I had a band, my personal style had adapted to my surroundings, and had made my way around the block a few times. Things were pretty cool. But I didn't have it all figured out by any means (and I still don't, for that matter). But I did learn a valuable lesson...

I had been out on one of those legendary late nights that I talk about all the was a Friday night, and I'd been to a friend's dinner party....let's just say I'd had MANY martinis of some kind. This had been on the Upper West Side....and I believe I had joined some other friends of mine for beers afterward, at the now-closed Bellevue Bar (which I'd since been banned from for practically nothing, but that's not nearly as good a story) and had more than a few beers. But at around 2 AM or so, my friends had left, and I was left drunk and alone. This wasn't altogether out of the ordinary (and still isn't), but....let's just say I was *very* intoxicated, and should have really just gone home at this point (I lived right down the street).

But NO, of course, I HAD to stay OUT, and have MORE FUN, right? So I went up the street to Rudy's to have a few more beers.

The events that followed were lost in a fog....

I woke the next morning, aching like a clubbed seal! Again, not too out of the ordinary. I got up, walked down the hallway to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and thought to myself, "What's with this mud on my eyebrow?!"

It wasn't was black and blue....clearly, I'd been clocked! It wasn't TOO bad....but...I was concerned, to say the very least!

I also had a bunch of voicemails on my phone from worried friends back home whom I'd apparently drunk-dialed during the night....damn....

Amidst the haze in my brain, the last thing I remember was....(holy shit)....falling through the doorway, and a little blonde girl tumbling down with me.

I spent that entire day wondering what the fuck I went back to Rudy's to ask them what went down. All they could tell me was that I'd pissed someone off, and they punched me out the door.....and that was about it.


I was at LIT's opening party.....which had an HR Geiger exhibit in the back. It was GREAT fun for an early Saturday evening. I was to guest DJ at Georgie Seville and DJ Chrissy's Glam 2000 party at Nouvelle Justine (now closed) later that, this was a nice pre-party for me.

So, I was in the gallery, checking out the art, with a glass of Merlot in one hand....and a glass of Merlot in the other....checking out the art that adorned the wall, cluelessly fascinated, as I like to be while admiring something intensely cool that I know nothing about. I was taking a sip from the glass in my left hand, when a little voice to my right said, "Well....HI! How are YOU?!"

I looked over, and there was a cute little blonde girl smiling at me. What luck! I answered, "Pretty DAMN are YOU?!" Hahahahahaha....right?

She answered, "You don't REMEMBER me, DO you?"

I replied, "I'll be honest....I really don't....but please, refresh my memory...I'm ALL EARS!"

She said, "You got into a scuffle over me some months back....."


So, she and her also-cute friend (whom I still talk to-to this day-she knows who she is) and I sat down and they told me what had happened.

Apparently, I was at the jukebox at Rudy's, gloriously drunk, and put a Doors song on...I think it might have been "Touch Me" ...and I sauntered up to this table where these two girls were sitting, and started serenading them along with the song, all Top Gun style...except I used my Budweiser bottle as a microphone, and....I sang a lot better (I hope)....I was paying particular attention to the blonde....

....what I wasn't paying attention to was the dudes they were sitting with, who alledgedly played in some Brooklyn Hardcore band whose name I won't mention here. I guess they weren't WITH these guys, per se....but these dudes had designs on them, and they were none too pleased to have this black-haired pretty boy (me, at least at the time, hahahaha) closing in on their action. I guess it was getting close to bartime, and this girl and I were going out for a smoke or something....and we were heading toward to the door. As I opened the door, a big mug of beer bounced off the wall to my right. I was in the middle of turning around, and exclaiming, "What the FUCK," when the punch landed, and the girl (who apparently was trying to stop this guy) and I tumbled out the door onto the sidewalk.

Then I did the first smart thing I'd done all night, and hauled ass down the street back to my apartment.

So that was that.

Oh, and after the party at Lit, I dated the little blonde girl for over a month.

She doesn't live in NYC anymore, but we write occasionally. She's a nice girl. Her friend (now my friend too, hahaha) I see around the city here and there....she's also a nice girl.

The moral of the story?

While this might have (eventually) been an effective means of making's always better not to black out alone.

Thanks for reading!

Your good friend,

Marty E.

Yes, My Brother Kicks Ass.....or, It Pains Me That He's Still More Famous Than I Am....Hahahahaha....

....even if they STILL can't pronounce our name correctly!

Nice one, Gordy....