Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Why I Do What I Do

I was having a Rock N' Roll discussion the last night with a friend of mine.

The topic of the discussion is immaterial.

But while I was having this discussion....I realized just how much Rock N' Roll and being able to play it and do as well as I do means to me
....and I do NOT consider myself to be "successful"....not YET! Ahahahahaha! But I'm getting closer every day!

But that is what makes me ask myself....almost every day....why DO I do this?

Is it for money? AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Money....um.....let me put it to you this way: if you want to make money....go to LAW SCHOOL or go be a fucking ACTOR and
stick with something like THAT, ok? Because....even if you wind up MAKING any goddamn money in Rock N' Roll....chances are you've given your life for a pittance. So...
there you have it!

Is it for the "social" aspect? I am a very social animal...and I will grant you that being a Rock N' Roller gave me an identity and a definition, and really, made me
exactly what I am....and (almost) everything I ever wanted to be. Sure...that doesn't hurt...socializing serves a purpose to be sure, and is certainly a big part of
being any kind of entertainer, I think....but that's secondary. The music itself comes first....at least it does to me!

The reason I play music and live it like my life depends upon it (for it DOES) is because of LOVE. I'm not talking about my love of the audience or even my love of
the music itself, even though I feel both of those things very intensely. The kind of love I'm talking about is the love that I feel in my heart just through the action of
PLAYING and SINGING. It's a sort of chemical reaction that goes on in my heart when I make music. It's hard to explain, but it's a feeling more intense, for me, than the
inferno that ravages your heart when you hold that beautiful someone in your arms for dear life! THAT is what it's all about for me. It's an addiction....one that is more
severe, for me, than anything in the world....and I hope it stays that way. I guess this goes along with artistic expression, but....I think it's far more basic, primal,
and much less premeditated than that. I mean, whether I'm playing drums in front of hundreds or thousands of people or singing in front of 30, I'm not thinking about
anything at all in the world, more often than not. I just know that I love doing what I'm doing and being there. And that means everything to me. And if you were there,
thanks for coming out!

Sure, Sex, Drugs, and Rock N' Roll is a great slogan, but those things are listed in the wrong order if you ask me! I party my ass off....but not before I play a show.
I owe my band, my audience, and mySELF to play nothing less than my best, and I can't do that if I'm drunk....and playing badly is sacrilegious. Sure, it's great to have
a drink or 9 after a show, and a celebration is ALWAYS in order....but even without that.....being ONSTAGE is its own reward, you know?

OK, I'm not going to bullshit you and try to tell you that having a big, beautiful crowd there doesn't mean anything....it means a whole fucking LOT! When you have an
awesome audience there....well, that's a privilege, for one thing. And your audience, no matter where it is, is usually pretty fucking smart! And when you're up there,
playing your heart out because you love it, and you MEAN it, they can TELL....and more often than not, they are feeling that love too...and if you're really lucky, they're
giving it back to you. It's the Rock N' Roll Exchange Program, ahahahahahaha. And it DOES matter....it does mean something....Hell, it means a LOT!

But, when the audience goes home, and the lights fade to dark....and the dawn is creeping up at your heels....you know damn well that you started in your Mom's basement and
played your ass off for hours upon hours upon hours in front of absolutely NO ONE....and you did it because of that "chemical reaction" that I'm talking about. And that's
something that you need to hold onto...because if you don't feel it....then neither does anyone else, you know?

All that said....when you have something special going on....when you have a band that you love, and an audience that fucking GETS it and keeps coming back....well....don't
take that for granted. That's a gift from above that very few people ever have the opportunity to enjoy for one second of their lives. Do everything you can to protect
and cultivate that gift. In other words, don't fuck it up. It's a precious thing, and you're GODDAMN lucky if you get it once in your life. It's all yours, and chances
are you've worked your ass off your for whole life and sacrificed many, many things for your hour underneath those bright, beautiful lights in front of those beautiful
faces. Enjoy it, and make the most and the best of it....and keep making it better. You can bet your sweet ass I'm going to, ahahahaha!!!!

Anyway....I'm at a loss for what the fuck else to say....

Thanks for reading....thanks for listening....and thanks for showing up!

Your friend,

Marty E.