Humourously crazy people that have crossed my path, or whacked out ghosts of blogs past, or just a few of life's special moments

Hey....while I've been out yackety-yacking on the town, I've been compelled for one reason of another to bring these stories up....so I thought I'd share them, the way I wrote them on my old Myspace (remember that phenomenon?) blog....enjoy.....
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Just when I thought I’d seen/heard everything in this town, or why I never watch American Idol Current mood: amused Category: Life Just a few minutes ago, I was walking through Madison Square Park....not the least bit bothered by the rain....when I heard this voice bellowing something indecipherable on the other side of the park.... "Now just what the HELL is THIS, now?!", I thought, as I guzzled my Dr. Pepper like it was a bottle of Jack. As I got closer to the other side of the park, I see what appears to be some homeless dude on a bench. It became apparent that, in his mind at least, he was putting on a little concert. I say this because he was talking at this point, as if to an audience (of which, incidentally, there were no members), between songs. And what I heard him say still has me laughing my ass off. He said, "Thank you VERY much ladies and gentleman....and my next number is a special song originally sung by Laura Branigan....." OK? And I thought to myself, "No....NO....Dude...PLEASE tell me you're NOT GOING TO!!!" But yes he did....he proceeded to do a gloriously off-key version Laura Branigan's song "GLORIA" at the top of his lungs....I still can't stop laughing......but maybe you had to be there.... I thought of uttering some cliche', like "Don't quit your day job"....until it occurred to me that this is probably it.....hahahahaha..... Marty E.

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Thursday, August 28, 2008

"What The Fuck" moment 5,043,869 Current mood: confident Category: Life ...ok....so, I stepped out for some junk food (sometimes a dude wants some Chicken fucking McNuggets, ok?).... ...and this dude...who looked like a cross between Albert Einstein, Col. Sanders, and (what I imagine, the looks of) the King of France character in Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn starts yelling,"EXCUSE ME....SIR...YOUNG MAN....YOU....EXCUSE ME...THE YOUNG MAN WITH THE HAT!!!!" So, after ignoring him for a few seconds, I turned around and said, "WHAT do you WANT, (Man!)?!" And he says, "Do you mind if I take your picture?" "Nah, I don't mind," I replied. And he said, "OK, let me see your profile?" Slightly annoyed, but figuring 'What the Hell', I turned to my left. He took a closer look at me.... ....and then he said, "Well....no," and he walked the other way. I hollered after him, "Look, Dude....you're the one who asked, ahahahahahahaha!!!" I love this town.

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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Weird, stupid, obnoxious, or should I just take it as a compliment? Current mood: confused Category: Life So....after "another one of those nights", I was dropping off a couple of friends of mine on my way home in a cab. I got out of the cab to let them out on the curb side. When I did, two or three guys on the sidewalk held up cameras and started taking pictures of me, and looking as jovial as all hell! Um....what the fuck? This sort of thing has happened to a couple of girls that I've known, but....never to me! I can't help but wonder....just who the hell did these crankshifters think I was?

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You get my point.....and here's to many more "special moments"!

Thanks,

Marty E.

My letter(s) home on 9/12/01 w/ follow-ups or a lesson to be learned is to not take anything for granted, least of all your own sanity!

9/6/06
Everyone's talking about the 5th anniversary of 9/11.You hear all kinds of bullshit from the pundits and our so-called President Bush about whether we are "safe" or "safer", as if anything any of them says means a goddamn thing.So, here's what I wrote to my friends and family around the country (including many of you reading this now) in the immediate wake of the 9/11 attack on New York City. There's no influence from pundits, journalists, or politicians; just a no-BS assessment of what was going on through the eyes and ears of a young NYC Rock N' Roller living dangerously close to the front line. As I was writing this at the time, I had no idea how 9/11 would be expoited and used in vain,i.e., gratuitous wars, conspiracies both true and untrue, and convenient scams of every type (especially the Patriot Act and other erosions of our civil rights). All I knew was I'd never felt so awful in my life. One interesting tidbit was that Slayer's God Hates Us All album came out that very day...and interestingly, it was the only album I could listen to for a couple of weeks. I was so numb, it was the only music that made me feel anything...and the only one that seemed to make any sense. And if I sound like I come across as a complete batshit crackerjack in these emails, it's only because I was fucking terrified....but that's probably understood. Enough of my ranting.

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9/12/01..>..>

Hello everyone.I am alive and well, at least physically. Inside, I've been on the verge of losing my mind since I woke up yesterday. I mean, how is a person supposed to react when there are flying bombs going off, destroying a landmark that you are accustomed to seeing daily, like a close friend, just a mile or two from the place you call home?!!!

For me...I feel my eyes welling up with bitter, angry tears sometimes...other times, I maintain my sense of humor...still others, I feel worried....and others, I feel (still) that nothing can stop me. There's a conflict.There's also a conflict of just WHY I feel this way....from the fact that probably tens of thousands of people are lying in the rubble dowtown, to more selfish reasons, such as not being able to work, play my music, and essentially, live my life. But, that shouldn't be too damn much to ask....For the second day in a row, I have an involuntary day off, so I decided to go down to my beloved East Village and get myself a coffee and maybe some sushi and try to regroup. Well, I got my coffee and ate my sushi, but there is some kind of faint haze in the air from 14th Street on down...consisting of dust and smoke, and what's rumored to be asbestos. I decided to get the hell out of there.

The streets from 14th Street on down are blocked off for automobiles....and everything south of Canal St is evacuated.The streets are surprisingly calm...there are people about, but there is this uncertain, morose calm over most people that I see. Near Times Square yesterday, there was some two-bit sidewalk preacher telling us that the "Lord is coming."I felt the anger rising, and wanted to tell him that I felt that the "Lord" must have taken the day off, but I maintained my cool.I don't know what's going to happen, just as nobody does. I wonder if I have any friends who might've been in the WTC yesterday.

A couple of months ago, when my financial situation was at rock bottom, I took a job as a foot messenger, and made many deliveries, daily, to the financial district in lower Manhattan. To think that I might've gotten caught up in this if I hadn't gotten quickly sick of that utterly thankless job is a lot to fathom.The only thing I can tell you at this point, is that there isn't a lot that matters to me anymore, at least for the time being. All my mad passion and ambition for being a great musician, drummer, Rock N Roll star, and writer seems almost like a thing of the past. But, I think that's merely due to shock.But I didn't realize, at all, what a carefree life I've had for 20-odd years...until yesterday morning. Now I wonder if life will ever be the same. One thing that I've learned from all of this already is the bitter motivation that must have been prevalent amongst the American population during the first two World Wars. I've never lived in a war-torn era, but I'm deeply afraid that I'm about to. The Gulf War, as I understood it at the time, was some rinky-dink little battle over control of oil. This...is REAL. I wouldn't mind kicking some Bin Laden ass, myself, after what he seems to have done! The front line is just a few miles down the road. And, I'm "Man" enough to admit that I'm scared. Do you remember when some kind of biological weapons were released in a Tokyo subway a couple of years ago? Well, I ride the subway every day...and so do millions of other people wearing the same worried face as myself.

But, the bottom line is, I guess I can't let this ruin my life if I can possibly avoid it. I still love this city and belong here...and probably feel that way even moreso since this shite has hit the fan. And I believe that someone up there, somewhere, despite my faults, is looking out for me.I deeply appreciate all of the calls and emails that I've gotten from everyone. Feel free to write anytime.

9/13/01

Now, we have some clowns calling in fake bomb threats. There was supposedly a bomb in the Empire State Building (4 blocks from my house) and consequently, they were evacuating Penn Station and routing all traffic off of 9th Avenue (which is where I live). It all turned out to be a hoax, and I was ready to hightail it out of my damn neighborhood. The sense of humor of some people leaves much to be desired.(later)Now there have been over 100 bomb scares in Manhattan...in the Empire State Building (again), Grand Central, Port Authority, and seemingly countless office buildings where friends of mine work. These were all either hoaxes or false alarms. The villains, in some ways have already won; they have instilled a paranoia that will last for a long time. Speaking of work, my office is closed until Monday, but...I really doubt that business is going to be good any time soon. The whole city now smells like smoke, and many people who are about are wearing some kind of gas masks, which I think look ridiculous, which wouldn't matter if I thought that they did much good.You know, just a few days ago, everything was great, and I was on top of the world. Now...that's all disappeared. Many of the great people I know are talking about hoping that the US destroys entire countries, and I find myself agreeing with this...but, I don't want to be this kind of person. There's a loss of any remaining innocence, decency, and mercy, in a lot of ways, and there's not a hell of a lot anyone can do about it.

I mean, down at Union Square, there are a bunch of people singing the Lennon song, "Give Peace a Chance." That sounds great, but I don't think that can happen, here in the real world. I'm sorry, but there is no chance, and I'm as sick about it as the next guy. When the hopes and dreams of most everyone I know have gone down the proverbial shitter, I can't find myself singing along. I never thought in my whole life that I'd say such a thing, but Rock N Roll doesn't really mean a damn thing to me at this particular moment, and Lennon, if he were here today, might very well agree with me.

The latest information that I've heard is that there have been several people caught with fake flight licenses and weapons at both JFK and LaGuardia...apparently, another hijacking or two may have been thwarted. These assholes don't know when to quit, do they? Just when flights are about to resume, these barbaric imbeciles have to add further insult to injury.Well, I'm going to ponder this over a beer....If anyone would like to write, please feel free....

Your good friend...

Marty E

How to meet girls the long, hard way, or what's this dirt on my eye? (Weird Tales From the City, Part 2)

This strange occurrence happened about 8 years ago....and many, MANY beers, hahahaha....it's 100% true, as far as I can recollect....some (not many) of you might remember this when it happened.

I'd been in NYC for less than a year....so, I almost had my "sea legs", ie, I had a band, my personal style had adapted to my surroundings, and had made my way around the block a few times. Things were pretty cool. But I didn't have it all figured out by any means (and I still don't, for that matter). But I did learn a valuable lesson...

I had been out on one of those legendary late nights that I talk about all the time....it was a Friday night, and I'd been to a friend's dinner party....let's just say I'd had MANY martinis of some kind. This had been on the Upper West Side....and I believe I had joined some other friends of mine for beers afterward, at the now-closed Bellevue Bar (which I'd since been banned from for practically nothing, but that's not nearly as good a story) and had more than a few beers. But at around 2 AM or so, my friends had left, and I was left drunk and alone. This wasn't altogether out of the ordinary (and still isn't), but....let's just say I was *very* intoxicated, and should have really just gone home at this point (I lived right down the street).

But NO, of course, I HAD to stay OUT, and have MORE FUN, right? So I went up the street to Rudy's to have a few more beers.

The events that followed were lost in a fog....

I woke the next morning, aching like a clubbed seal! Again, not too out of the ordinary. I got up, walked down the hallway to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and thought to myself, "What's with this mud on my eyebrow?!"

It wasn't MUD...it was black and blue....clearly, I'd been clocked! It wasn't TOO bad....but...I was concerned, to say the very least!

I also had a bunch of voicemails on my phone from worried friends back home whom I'd apparently drunk-dialed during the night....damn....

Amidst the haze in my brain, the last thing I remember was....(holy shit)....falling through the doorway, and a little blonde girl tumbling down with me.

I spent that entire day wondering what the fuck happened....so I went back to Rudy's to ask them what went down. All they could tell me was that I'd pissed someone off, and they punched me out the door.....and that was about it.

FAST FORWARD TO ABOUT 6 MONTHS LATER>>>>>>>>>

I was at LIT's opening party.....which had an HR Geiger exhibit in the back. It was GREAT fun for an early Saturday evening. I was to guest DJ at Georgie Seville and DJ Chrissy's Glam 2000 party at Nouvelle Justine (now closed) later that night....so, this was a nice pre-party for me.

So, I was in the gallery, checking out the art, with a glass of Merlot in one hand....and a glass of Merlot in the other....checking out the art that adorned the wall, cluelessly fascinated, as I like to be while admiring something intensely cool that I know nothing about. I was taking a sip from the glass in my left hand, when a little voice to my right said, "Well....HI! How are YOU?!"

I looked over, and there was a cute little blonde girl smiling at me. What luck! I answered, "Pretty DAMN good....how are YOU?!" Hahahahahaha....right?

She answered, "You don't REMEMBER me, DO you?"

I replied, "I'll be honest....I really don't....but please, refresh my memory...I'm ALL EARS!"

She said, "You got into a scuffle over me some months back....."

"NOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING WAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!"

So, she and her also-cute friend (whom I still talk to-to this day-she knows who she is) and I sat down and they told me what had happened.

Apparently, I was at the jukebox at Rudy's, gloriously drunk, and put a Doors song on...I think it might have been "Touch Me" ...and I sauntered up to this table where these two girls were sitting, and started serenading them along with the song, all Top Gun style...except I used my Budweiser bottle as a microphone, and....I sang a lot better (I hope)....I was paying particular attention to the blonde....

....what I wasn't paying attention to was the dudes they were sitting with, who alledgedly played in some Brooklyn Hardcore band whose name I won't mention here. I guess they weren't WITH these guys, per se....but these dudes had designs on them, and they were none too pleased to have this black-haired pretty boy (me, at least at the time, hahahaha) closing in on their action. I guess it was getting close to bartime, and this girl and I were going out for a smoke or something....and we were heading toward to the door. As I opened the door, a big mug of beer bounced off the wall to my right. I was in the middle of turning around, and exclaiming, "What the FUCK," when the punch landed, and the girl (who apparently was trying to stop this guy) and I tumbled out the door onto the sidewalk.

Then I did the first smart thing I'd done all night, and hauled ass down the street back to my apartment.

So that was that.

Oh, and after the party at Lit, I dated the little blonde girl for over a month.

She doesn't live in NYC anymore, but we write occasionally. She's a nice girl. Her friend (now my friend too, hahaha) I see around the city here and there....she's also a nice girl.

The moral of the story?

While this might have (eventually) been an effective means of making friends....it's always better not to black out alone.

Thanks for reading!

Your good friend,

Marty E.

You know that you're a full-fledged New Yorker when...(part 1)

....you can explain, with some degree of sophistication, why a slice of pizza at one place is SO MUCH BETTER than slice of pizza at another place right across the street.