Thursday, July 8, 2010

A question of relationships, trust, and other random bullshit in the human condition

First off, what IS a "relationship", anyway?  

You hear it all the time...."I WANT a relationship."  "Are we IN a relationship?"  "I DON'T want a relationship....I HATE relationships!"  Etc.  That last one, you've probably heard me say a million times.

But, the fact of the matter is, if you hang out with someone more than once or twice, then there's something going on, ie, you're RELATING with each other.  The very NATURE of what, in fact, that relationship means might come into question,'s still a relationship.  The definition of the word "relationship", the way it's usually discussed, is widely taken out of context.  It's a little bit silly, of you ask me.  But, as much as I rag on relationships, the way most people define them....I think relationships, in terms of the way I look at them, are good.  Ok?

(Favorite David Lee Roth quote from the late 80's: "Old Van Halen makes you want to have a drink, dance, and fuck.  New Van Halen makes you want to have a milk shake, drive a Nissan, and have a RELATIONSHIP!"  Hahahahaha!!!)

That all being said, you also hear a lot of statements involving how important "trust" is in a relationship.  I think what most people mean when speaking in terms of "trust" is, exclusivity.  That's how most people roll, and that's fine....God bless, and good luck.  We all know how difficult that is in this town, but it can be done, if that's what you both want...with each other.

But, really....what is FAR more important to me than this "ownership" that people impose upon each other, is whether or not I can trust someone to be A GOOD FRIEND.  Can I trust someone with a secret, or to listen objectively to a problem I might have - even if they can't necessarily offer advice - but just to lend an ear or a shoulder?  Can I trust that person not to freak out with a vengeance over the slightest trouble, to pick their battles wisely, and to deal with problems rationally?  Can I trust that person to look for the best in me, and not always assume the worst, right off the bat? Can I trust someone to understand that my life is haphazard at best, and fucking insane, a lot of the time?  Can I trust someone to keep our "pillow talk" where it belongs, which is BETWEEN US? Can I trust someone to maintain some semblance of self-control, even when they're angry with that they don't get unnecessarily cruel and hateful?  Can I go out for drinks with that person without it turning into some inane fight every time?  Can I trust a person to listen to me tell them about something really awesome that that happened to me, without them getting indignant or jealous?  

I hope that the answer to all these questions, from now on, is a resounding, "YES." 

I don't think that's asking too you?

The Cure-"Trust"

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