A few years back, when I was still living with....an ex of mine (don't ask)...we had woken up on a Saturday afternoon, very hungover and hungry. For some asinine reason, it was decided that I should go around the corner to McDonald's, and procure for us a couple of combo meals (which I don't do anymore...ever....fuck that shit).
I ordered a Quarter-Pounder w/ Cheese (minus onions) meal for myself, and a Veggie Burger meal for what'shername.
So, I was waiting up front for my "food", like a civilized person does, when this substantially LARGE dude who's also waiting, next to his equally corpulent wife, turned to me, and said, "HEY!"
"Um....Hey?!" was my reply.
"What's the NAME of that....ya know....that SAUCE....ya KNOW?!!!!"
"Um....I really don't know, Man....." I answered.
"Awww....Come ON, Man....it's that MEXICAN sauce....yaKNOWwhatIMEAN?!!!"
In a daze and royally hungover, I hadn't the foggiest notion of just what the hell this dude was TALKING about.
"No, Man....no shit, I REALLY don't KNOW....Man!" Was my annoyed but politely expressed reply.
The dude, wearing an orange shirt with white stripes, brown cut-offs (or JORTS, as some people call them) and tenner shoes with Velcro on them, shook his head (as if I'm an idiot...I mean, HE was the one who couldn't think of what the fucking SAUCE was called, ok?) then got his "food", and he and his foodie-in-crime went and sat down.
I was relieved.
A couple more minutes passed. My "food" was finally ready. I then went to grab ketchup and napkins and other-such shit. When I turned around to head toward the door, the head of the Mexican Condiment Investigation Task Force was standing standing in my way.....and he uttered something indecipherable.....
"Heh?" Was my incredulously annoyed response.
He repeated something I still couldn't understand...but it sounded vaguely like, "She's PORTLY!" Right?
I made a face, and was just ABOUT to retort, "Well, you aren't exactly THIN YOURSELF, there, JACK!!!"
But I didn't.....because just as I was ABOUT to say that, he bellowed it, and I understood....he finally figured out what the mystery sauce was, and was sharing this valuable bit of information with me....and it was....
Thanks for reading, and have a kickass weekend!
Your good friend,
PS-I have a fucking million of them!